Talking To Nadia
by glasswrks
Summary: Takes place during the second season, but prior to "Its better to burn out than Fae Away." See author's notes for more information. This is angst filled.


**Title:** Talking to Nadia

**Author:** Glasswrks

**Copyright:** September 22nd – October 14, 2012

**Rating:** (USA) T/ (UK) 12A / (AUS) PG

**Disclaimer:** All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual. I ripped off this disclaimer... so did I, but I do want to add: "Lost Girl," is on Showcase. It was created by Michelle Lovietta. It is developed and produced by Prodigy Pictures in association with CanWest.

**Author's Note:** _VERY IMPORTANT._ This story takes place in the second season, BUT, before Bo and Lauren become intimate for the second time. Although I thought I had seen all the episodes, a friend of mine pointed out that I had in fact, **MISSED**, _"Its better to burn out than Fae away."_ So although it may seem that I am rehashing that episode, I never saw it until three days after writing this story. This story simply felt like it would be something that Lauren would do... and go figure, I was right. Yea me! Oh, this is actually the second story I've written in the "Lost Girl," verse, but only the first one I've actually posted.

**Special Thanks:** Go to both Rabastan for looking at the story for me and my "bestie" Becca for prodding me to watch the show a few times.

* * *

Lauren watched quietly as Nadia's physical therapy ended. After five years, Nadia's muscles had not atrophied due to the lack of movement, nor had she developed sores from lying in one position for long periods of time.

Her therapist was an M'Dangaj.

They had the ability to send small jolts of healing energy to every muscle, keeping them stimulated and healthy. The M'Dangaj fed off the muscle contractions from their patients. It was a wonderfully gentle procedure.

They had been an asset when she needed extra help when her abilities as a doctor were not enough to heal certain types of Fae. One or two treatments a month was all it took to keep Nadia from experiencing any ill effects from her condition.

"Thank you again Jillian," Lauren said as the tall and slim brunette was leaving after gathering her things.

"Not a problem. Sorry I couldn't come sooner. I'll be back after the season ends..."

"Not to worry, I'm sure she'll be fine until then," Lauren replied, "Good luck this year."

"Thanks, bye Dr. Lewis."

Yes, the M'Dangaj made excellent personal trainers.

Once she was alone, Lauren slowly walked around the table. Her fingertips lightly brushing against the barrier that kept Nadia's vital signs stable along with all of her other physiological body functions working.

"Hey Sweetheart, it's me, Lauren... not that you would expect anyone else here," she said quietly before sighing.

Nadia's parents had been devastated when they heard that their daughter had been exposed to a rare disease and had slipped into a coma. They had rushed to the Congo, demanding that everything that could be done was done to help her.

Lauren had explained, grief-stricken, that they had the best doctors working around the clock to help Nadia and once she was stable enough for travel, she would be sent to the best hospital. She would have twenty-four hour care. Nothing would be too much for Nadia's well-being.

She told them that a benefactor had stepped forward and pledged his immense fortune to make sure Nadia got the best care possible.

They had asked her why.

The Ash took them aside, she never knew what he had told them, but they seemed relieved. They turned to her and for a brief moment, she could feel the blame in their eyes.

She knew they thought it was her fault.

She was the reason Nadia was lying inert, non-responsive, simply breathing.

The Ash had Nadia transferred to a hospital close to the compound. He came to her one afternoon three years after Nadia had fallen into the coma, "Nadia's parents will not be returning. We will move her to next to he lab, so you might continue your research."

"What do you mean, they won't be back?" Lauren could not believe she had spoken back to the Ash, but she could not understand why Nadia's parent would leave.

He looked at her for brief moment, turning around. "They know you will keep them up to date, that there is nothing else that can be done," he said before departing.

At first Lauren did not want to believe what he said, but Nadia's parents dropped by and let her know they were leaving.

No matter how many times she asked, she could not get a valid answer from them.

So, month after month, she would call them and give what little information at hand.

"Thank you Lauren," was all she heard before the line went dead.

She had wanted to demand answers, but knew it would be fruitless as well as frustrating.

So, she was left with trying to do all she could and everyday she would spend time with her girlfriend.

Talking.

"I know you can hear me – I do, I can feel it and I wish I had better news to tell you, but, nothing's changed."

Lauren knew that was not the truth.

There had been changes: life altering ones.

And they revolved around a certain young succubus.

"Bo," she uttered. Lauren grabbed a nearby chair and brought it closer to Nadia.

She would let her know what was happening in the world, human and Fae. It was one of the things she missed about her. They used to talk about everything, their hopes, their fears, their dreams for the future.

Lauren could not remember the amount of times she broke down and cried, wanting to hear Nadia's voice once more.

She had given up everything, the life she had led, her friends, her very freedom for Nadia.

It was a decision she would do again, a million times over without a second thought.

Those very decisions brought her to this point in her life.

They had brought Bo into her life.

And she would not change a thing, which made her cringe.

Shouldn't she want Nadia to be free from her coma?

Shouldn't she want her freedom?

Her life, shouldn't it be truly her own?

Or was she being selfish?

Was she putting her desires in front of Nadia's?

"Nadia, you know I love you, don't you?" she asked, wanting more than anything to be able to look into her face and unable to. "I have never given up on bringing you back," she shook her head. "All these years I have held onto hope, hope that one day, you would wake-up and... and..." she could feel the tears burning her eyes as she fought to keep them from falling. "We'd be together again."

She believed that.

She held onto that belief and it never wavered, never diminished.

The cure, whatever it was – was out there, somewhere. If she just kept looking, she would find it.

She would have Nadia back.

Now, now she was not sure.

She was confused, the feelings were there... Lauren however acknowledged they were not as strong as before – when Nadia first slipped into the coma.

Little by little those feelings began to fade into the background and she was left with the memory of what they had...

And it killed her to feel this way.

To know her heart had moved on without her trying to stop it.

It cut her deeply.

Oh, she still loved Nadia...

Had been faithful to her.

Never strayed... despite the temptation, she could not do that to Nadia or to herself

Until Bo.

Lauren took a deep breath as the memories of their first meeting flooded her mind.

She was not sure if it was Bo's powers as a succubus that drew her. But something about Bo pulled her, made her heart race, something it had not done in a long while.

Lauren thought if Bo's abilities drew them together – if it was the catalyst, then she could not blame herself, she should not for what happened between them.

It would have been out of her hands – an easy out.

One that would assuage her guilt.

Even Nadia would understand – hopefully.

Maybe.

But she would be lying, not only to herself but Nadia as well.

The night she and Bo had shared was... magical.

Arousing...

Amazing.

Earth shattering.

_'Exhausting,'_ she mused. It was everything she had never experienced, never fathomed existed and it left her aching for more.

More than one night.

She had seen another side of Bo – her softness – gentleness, her vulnerability; it was a gift that she treasured.

But it happened for all the wrong reasons.

In hindsight, they were moving in that direction...

The looks, the touches, the longing to be with one another was palpable.

Lauren was becoming emotionally attached to Bo...

And she felt she had to tell Nadia, she owed it to her.

The dichotomy of her situation struck Lauren deeply. Telling Nadia everything and leaving Bo in the dark.

It was inexcusable, yet, she could not help herself.

Lauren could not reconcile her feelings.

She loved Nadia.

But she had fallen for Bo.

Even when Bo was with Dyson, she could not help the jealousy she felt whenever she saw them together. It was all she could do to keep a civil tongue in her head.

She knew Bo's feelings for Dyson ran deep, probably deeper than Bo herself realized.

"Nadia, I don't know what to do," she whispered. "How... how do I live like this? I feel like I've betrayed you, us," Lauren ran her hand through her hair before standing up abruptly.

The pent up energy she felt made it nearly impossible for her to stay still any longer. She paced the room like a caged tiger.

Lauren could re-call the last time she and Nadia spent together; the memory helped her.

Helped her through the long and lonely nights when her memory was all she had left.

She had had offers, and it had been tempting to let off a little steam, but the thought of being with someone else, while Nadia... stopped her cold.

She was surprised she had even thought of it.

She threw herself into her work, going days on end, until The Ash told her, ordered her to get some rest.

She dare not refuse him.

Only then would she drag herself to her home and crawl into bed fully clothed and fall to sleep.

She would dream...

Of the days before the fateful trip to the Congo. To the carefree days filled with exploration, discovery.

Of nights filled with cries of passion, whispered words of devotion...

Promises of a future...

Together.

She would wake drenched in sweat, her heart breaking over again as she blindly reach out for Nadia, only to find cold sheets mocking her with what was.

She did not dream on the night she spent with Bo.

When she reached out, instead of finding cold sheets, reminding her of her loneliness, she felt the warmth of Bo's body next to her. She smiled as she looked at Bo's face, the contentment, the peace, the slight smile, left her with an ache she had never felt before.

She wanted to be responsible for that look always.

She had taken a deep breath and could smell the lingering evidence of their mutual arousal. It made her heart beat faster and she wanted nothing more than to wake Bo and share herself once again.

Instead, she lay back down, her heart clenching when she felt Bo bring her closer and mutter, "Better."

She fell back into dreamless sleep once again.

Then everything fell apart.

She had awoken and instead of feeling Bo next to her, basking in the emotions that their passion had brought forth, she found herself staring at Bo as she was getting ready to leave.

She had said the wrong things and she could see the pain etched on Bo's face. She was appalled at herself.

She never wanted to hurt Bo and she had deeply.

She had tried to explain, how she wanted to keep Bo safe, but it was no use. She had betrayed Bo's trust in her, in them.

Her eyes still burned with unshed tears when she thought about it. Now, what would Bo think, feel if she knew about Nadia? Would she ever be able to trust her again?

Lauren slowly approached Nadia, bending close.

"I love her Nadia... and I don't know what to do. She... she fills me with joy and anger, astonishment, longing, please forgive me my love, you will always, _always_ be in my heart no matter what, but I can't fight my feelings for her anymore, I can't," Lauren did not stop the tears from falling this time.

After a few minutes Lauren took a deep breath and wiped at the remnants of the tears that streaked her face.

The cool detached mask settled firmly on her face. No one would know the difference unless they truly looked at her. Lauren grabbed Nadia's chart, checking her vital signs once more, and jotting down a note here and there.

She looked puzzled; she noticed a slight spike in Nadia's brain activity. It only appeared for a second, but it was there. She looked at the monitor watching it, waiting.

Nothing.

She glanced at her watch: "21:30hrs. Small spike in brain activity noted. No other indication. Run further tests in the morning." She signed and dated the entry.

She put the chart back. She turned down the lights; the glow from the monitors bathed the room in softness.

"Good night Nadia, thank you for listening to me, I love you," she whispered. Lauren turned, missing the jump in E.E.G.

The End.


End file.
